Helloween

My best friend Sofia had a brilliant idea - let's dress up as the characters from Kill Bill!!! Sofia and Pony (her husband, and names changed to protect the innocent) and I spend a lot of time drinking wine (or gin, or scotch, or beer, or anything on hand really...) and talking about film, politics, philosophy, history, whatever. We sometimes agree, sometimes disagree, but the fun is in the debate. Our film history is sketchy - they really like M. Night Shyamalan whereas I really only liked Unbreakable, but if there is one are we are all 100% on, it is Tarantino.

I love Tarantino because he has, in all his mediocrity at coming up with original ideas, basically put to film what he loves and in an original way. The second Kill Bill movie is my favorite, as it is stylized on the classic western genre, something which is never ever bad in my book.

Last year I was a retro Hooters girl. This may sound ridiculous and anti-feminist blah blah blah, but I have the necessary equipment and I wore a blonde Farrah Fawcett wig, some gray 70s gym shorts with white piping, my puma sneakers, and a black Hooters tank top. MOST COMFORTABLE COSTUME EVER. I live for the comfortable yet awesome Halloween costume. I was once Red Riding Hood (my bf at the time dressed up fully as a wolf, it was awesome) and I wore a red plaid mini skirt, a white tank top, and a red cape. Simple, comfortable, yet recognizable.

So - this year I will be Beatrix Kiddo, AKA Black Mamba, AKA the Bride. Sofia will be Daryl Hannah's* character, Elle, complete with eye patch, and Pony will be Pai Mei.

I am thinking of being Beatrix as she was in the death scene with Elle. She had just clawed her way through being buried alive, is covered in dirt and blood, and is wearing jeans and a light button down shirt. She is also barefoot, which I plan to remedy with wearing light colored barely-there flip flops. Seriously, all I need to buy is a blonde wig (last year's went 'missing'), a sword, and an eyeball.

"Bitch, you have no future." I get to utter this line all night.

In my previous life I was The Good, Clint Eastwood's character from the spaghetti westerns. Before that, I was probably Andrew Jackson. I don't actually believe in reincarnation, I am agnostic, but given my personality I could easily see this to be true. Lofty ideals for sure, and I'm definitely not into murdering Native Americans (as was good Old Hickory), but everything else rings true.

I have to go return my policewoman costume that I bought before I found out that my costume had been assigned to me, which was too small and far too slutty anyways. I think they sewed it for a female of average height, meaning 5'4", because the costume was just far too short, up top and on the bottom. I should just sew my own, but I'm lazy, and I'm pretty sure my sister is not going to dress up as the gangster I encouraged her to be.

I am pondering a trip to the Reservation to buy much cheaper cigarettes than the pack a day I've currently been buying. To do this would admit defeat, however, and I'm just not in the mood to accept my failure. Let's leave that for another day. For once it's sunny, the sky is blue, and I am at 80% health-wise.

Off to buy a blonde wig and practice my kung fu!

*Daryl Hannah's next movie after Kill Bill vol. 2 was Yo Puta. I never knew she could make such interesting films. Assassin to whore, and owning each role magnificently**.

**I was once in a spelling bee when I was in 3rd grade. We were down to the last three contestants, me and two 7th graders. I spelled magnificent with an 'a', and to this day it haunts me.