Day 3 (actually Day 2)

I stopped the nicotine patch after day 1, since it really wasn't the way for me to quit. How could I stop wanting to smoke a cigarette if I was still addicted to nicotine, if it was still in my system?

So, today is Day 3 technically, since I haven't had a cigarette since Saturday morning, but Day 2 in terms of breaking the nicotine cycle of pain and agony.

My boss is a dream. I told him this morning I was quitting and he freaked out. He smoked for something like 10 years, so he understands my pain and agony. He told me to do whatever I needed to do. Go for a drive, go outside, etc. I am off the hook for getting all my work done too. Not that I'm not going to work, but he won't get upset if I don't send an email or if I miss a phone call.

My throat seems like it's swelling up. It hurts, my head hurts, my tongue hurts, my eyeballs ache. My fingers - I can't seem to type as accurately as usual.

I cannot concentrate. This is the worst symptom, the strongest. I want to slam my head into my desk, black out, and wake up when it's all over.

I keep listening to this song:



The last time I listened to this song was when Goat Boy ripped my heart out of my chest with what seemed like his teeth.

The parallels to a breakup are really weird.

Lack of concentration. Physical and mental feelings of loneliness, despair, an aching hole in your existence. Not knowing what to do with yourself. Depression. Tears. Sad music. Anger.

I am currently rocking back and forth at my desk, staring into space, trying to stop my mind from racing and figure out what is next on my to-do list.

Fuck this sucks.