Celibacy & Smokes

It happens mostly when I realize I don't have anyone to go to a bar with. Loneliness, that is. 95% of the time I am completely happy to be alone, sans romantic interest.

It's probably that I'm just being selfish with my time, but I'm 28 years old. I'm designed to be selfish with my time. I spend roughly 60-70 hours a week working for the constituents of my district, so it's not like I need to volunteer on weekends or anything. NOT that I shouldn't volunteer independently; I actually belong to a very active volunteer organization and we do amazing things. Essentially, I don't give a fuck about amending my time or life to accommodate some smelly asshole who wants to watch football on weekends. I'm done with that.

So - celibacy. This Friday it will be a month, which makes me sad, because I really liked that guy. His loss.

Celibacy and cigarettes is my new motto. If I'm not hooking up with anyone, there's no one to criticize my smoking. A colleague of mine, with whom I had a dangerous flirtation that was eventually consummated in a very inappropriate place, keeps nagging me about smoking. I called him yesterday to schedule a meeting, and he said he would come only if I quit smoking.

That reminds me of a line from Tori Amos' "Precious Things."

"So you can make me cum, that doesn't make you Jesus."

He didn't even make that happen, but it's beside the point. He's not my boyfriend, brother, or father, therefore his opinion was duly noted and filed away the first fucking time he told me, 4 months ago!

If he wants to be able to tell me over and over to stop smoking, then he needs to do some serious stepping up. This will never happen given our similarities as 'players' so the next time he says anything, I will hurt him.

The worst part is that he was a smoker for YEARS. He smoked a pack and a half a day, in addition to weed, so exactly where does his motivation to scold me at every opportunity come from? His own reformed state? Please and gag me. The minute I start taking life lessons from him is the time at which my soul will be irreversibly damaged.

It just occurred to me that perhaps he thinks he can tell me what to do because we slept together. Good thing our meeting is on Friday. If he were to appear in front of me right now, I'd bitch slap him with no remorse.

The friendship is worth saving, so I'll just need to confront him nicely about this crap and hope he moves on and finds something else to tease or nag me about.

Celibacy and cigarettes.